Handy (questionable) reminders for Central Outdoors this Sunday

Sunday Service at Central Church is going to be outdoors.  We have cleverly named the event “Central Outdoors.”  The service (only one service) will take place in the Peak Parking Lot at 10:30AM. Come in your car, stay in your car or bring a chair and sit closer to the platform (and by “platform,” I mean flatbed truck).  The service will be livestreamed if you are unable to join us. Since we haven’t had an outdoor service lately (Read: Never in my seven years as pastor), here are some handy and helpful reminders:

1) Please enter on the entrance off Bristol Road on the eastside of the Peak Building. Do not enter the parking lot via a helicopter, hot air balloon, catapult or any of the entrances off of Bristolwood Drive.

2). There is no truth to the rumor that the youth group will be holding an Automobile Baptism (aka Car Wash) following the service.

3). If listening from inside your car in the parking lot, the service will be broadcast on 90.9FM. Should a Wizard-of-OZ-like tornado sweep through during the service, a portion of the service will be broadcast on all of the evening news channels.

4) If staying in your car for worship, when Pastor Enosh tells us to “stand on your feet and sing the next song” please ignore this instruction. We don’t want you bashing your head on the roof of your Rolls Royce (I don’t think anyone in our church drives a Rolls Royce, but if they did, we wouldn’t want them bashing their head and getting blood on the interior of their Rolls Royce).

5) If you are driving a Rolls Royce to the service don’t forget your offering. (If you can afford a Rolls Royce you can certainly afford to give an offering to the Lord!)

6). The Food Trucks following the service are BYOMTBYF– Bring You Own Money To Buy Yummy Food.  If you don’t have any money, see the guy driving the Rolls Royce.

7). Please, please, please read 1 Corinthians 5:12a* for a reminder about looking down upon those driving into the parking lot in a Ford, Chrysler and especially a Rolls Royce and not a quality GM made vehicle.

8). I will be wrapping up the Gospel of Mark, but there will be no drinking of poison or handling of snakes (read the end of Mark for this reference to make sense). Our tech guys might be handling a mouse (computer), a Dodge Viper might be the parking lot, but the food trucks have been instructed to not serve poison. With only slight hesitation, they have agreed to this request.

9). In the event of rain, build an ark. Oh wait, that was the instructions for another follower of God. In the event of rain, we will be socially distancing in the comfy confines of our sanctuary.

10). In the event of rain, I might be more like Judas than I will care to admit. (See Luke 22:62**)

11). One last thing, If you are looking for me on Sunday, I will be by the gatepost (See Ezekiel 46:2***).

All kidding aside, if in the Flint area, I hope you and your family can join us this Sunday for Central Outdoors. We are going to have a great morning.

*1 Corinthians 5:12a: What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church?

**Luke 22:62: And he went outside and wept bitterly.

***Ezekiel 46:2: The prince is to enter from the outside through the portico of the gateway and stand by the gatepost. 

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