Re-Opening Reminders

This Sunday, June 21, is Central Church’s first public service since March 8. As a public service announcement I give you these re-opening reminders:

1. No PJs. You’ve gotten used to rolling out of bed, grabbing a pop tart and watching Karla recite the announcements. Sorry. There’s no dress code at Central Church, but a rule of thumb: if you slept in it the night before, you probably shouldn’t wear it to church (if only Wal-Mart had the same rule).

2. There’s no coffee. This is disappointing for you who come to Central Church only to drink our tasty Maxwell House Original Blend in your Sunday School class room. Sorry. It’s BYOBC (Bring your own Bad Coffee).

3. Social distancing means you have to disobey Paul’s admonition when he said to “greet one another with a holy kiss.” No holy kisses or holy hugs or holy handshakes. Holy elbow bumps, holy air high fives and the Holy Spirit are all welcome.

4. Our hand sanitizer machines are automatic. They are foamy. And to be honest, they are a bit stinky. Get too much on you and you won’t have to worry about social distancing— people will socially distance from you, but your hands will be clean.

5. No valet parking. You’ll have to park that sweet ride of yours on your own. Remember it’s like coloring, stay within the lines.

6. Cafe? Closed. Drinking fountains? Closed (bottle water available). Lobby? Closed (please catch up with friends outside). Altars? Open!

7. Masks are encouraged— not Robin, Green Hornet or Lone Ranger masks (that kinda defeats the purpose). If you forget yours, we’ve got you covered (literally). Everyone says masks are the best way to protect your neighbor, but if you’d just can’t cover up that pretty smile (for whatever reason) that’s fine. Please enter the East or South Doors (we are saving our West Doors, west restrooms and west side of the sanctuary for masks wearers only). Remember to be the safest— Go West, young man, go west!

8. The service times are 9AM and 11:15AM. These times allow us to clean, clean, clean between services. We want to have the cleanest church in America. It’s so clean you can eat the communion wafers off the floor (but we don’t recommend that).

9. Lastly, please pray. Pray for our services; for those folks who can’t get back together with us just yet; for those sick or grieving; for our country; for our leaders; that God would send a mighty revival to our land; for justice and mercy would be available to all people; and pray, pray, pray that God’s will would be done and His Kingdom come in Flint as it is in heaven!

See you Sunday! Did I say I am excited to see you? I am.

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