New Year’s Resolutions Flint Central Church style

No one at Central Church shared with me their New Year’s Resolutions, so I took it upon myself to make New Year’s Resolutions for the them.

 Justin Hilliard (Our Lighting genius protégé). Resolves that when given the green light (figuratively speaking of course), he will make a Trans-Siberian Light show look like child’s play compared to our Sunday Morning services

 Deb LeVictoire (my terrific and talented assistant): Resolves to take a scribble reading lessons so she can read the memos that I give her.

Our Great Facilities Crew: Resolves to not pour hot wax on people who mishandled their candles on Christmas Eve and dripped wax on the pews, carpet and hymnals.

Jordan Loudermilk (Our tech hero): Resolves to not jump off the balcony when someone says “I need more monitor volume.”

Our Funeral Dinner Committee: Resolves to have even more fun as they prepare the meals for those who are grieving.  (This is impossible.  This team put the “fun” back in funeral and have been a blessing to countless people.  Thanks for all you do, Funeral Committee Friends!

Joey Wood and Tyler Sauer (Youth Pastors Extraordinaire). Resolve that should they decide to run the Detroit Marathon again, they will wear matching the shirts that say: Other Youth Pastors Eat my dust

 Karen Donaldson (The Facilities Manager and defacto manager of all-things Central Church): Resolves to pray for a little Sodom and Gomorrah action the next time someone tells her the sanctuary is too cold. That’ll heat them up!

Wendy Eaton (Early Childhood Pastor): Resolves to beat up anyone who says, “Toddlers can’t learn about Jesus.” Of course, she said the beat down will be given in a loving and Christ-like manner.

Deb Pruitt (Our Wednesday night chef and plenty of other things chef): Resolves to make a meal so scrumptious that Food Network decides to make a reality show on her life called, Pruitt Can Do it.

 Janet Benjamin (Children’s Pastor): Resolves to not sue rapper and movie star Ice Cube  for failing to mention her in his movie “All About the Benjamins.”  Clearly the movie was not all about the Benjamins as she and her family were left out completely.

The Central Church Security Crew: Resolves to arrest anyone for failure to tithe 10% (they really don’t arrest anyone, but they do keep us safe).

 Jon Gildner (Discipleship Pastor and a bit of a competitive guy): Resolves to beat every pastor in Pickleball this year.

Our Amazing Tech Crew: Resolve not to show a Joel Osteen sermon clip instead of our service during a boring sermon from yours truly.

Karla Prince (the lovely and talented one): Resolves to stand to her feet with her hands on her hips and shout out, “All right buster it’s my turn!” the next time her name is besmirched in a sermon.

Steve Antony (Senior Adult Pastor and current Snowbird in Florida): Resolves to not pitch a fit when Michael Phelps is selected over him as the greatest male swimmer of all time.

Todd and Roshanda Womack(Community Connections Pastors): Resolve to debate with anyone who says “Flint is done.” They know better and so will their soon-to-be-head-spinning and reduced to mumbling a defeated “I’m sorry” Flint hating debate opponent.

 Mark Routt (Drummer and all around great guy): Resolves to tell anyone who asks how he learned to play the drum, “Beat it.”

Jon Livengood (Young adult and Missions Pastor and Kentucky Basketball fan): Resolves to not breakdown into fits of uncontrollable sobbing when Michigan wins the NCAA Basketball National Championship

Enosh Fee (Worship Pastor and Superhero fan): Resolves to not lead worship while wearing a cape and a T-Shirt with a big “S”  following reaching his weight loss goal.

Nate Degner (Worship Pastor and Green Bay Packer fan): Resolves to not wear a bag overhead while leading worship this Sunday, even though the lowly Detroit Lions beat his team twice, the last one being Sunday’s 31-0 blowout.

Rob Prince (me):  Resolves to not make any New Year’s Resolution lists for exactly 365 days.

The End.

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