1. If I gave to missions, I wouldn’t have my Starbucks money. I know that people are suffering in the world, but c’mon to start my day with a McDonald’s dollar coffee instead of a five dollar Starbucks Non-Fat Frappuccino With Extra Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce is suffering.

2.  I’m not cheerful. The Bible says you should be a “cheerful giver.” I’m not cheerful about anything. Oscar the Grouch seems like Miss Congeniality compared to me. Grumpy the Dwarf and I should be exempt from all giving.

3.  I heard if you give to missions you don’t care about your neighbors. I really care about my neighbors. I can’t remember the last time I talked to them, but they are really nice people.  At least, I think they are nice. They look nice, except for the little ugly one, what’s-his-name?  He was a goblin last Halloween or maybe he just looks that way. I can’t remember.  But I love my neighbors, so I can’t give to missions.

4.  I’m a little short on funds these days. I just paid for my three-week cruise (balcony suite, of course) to South America and my manicurist upped her weekly rate… AGAIN! Have you seen the price of caviar these days? Ridiculous.  I’m going to have to cut back.  I’d love to give, but it’s about priorities.

5.  Have you seen the new boat the Jones’ just purchased? They should give.  In fact, they should give double!

6.  I’m young. Let the old people give.

7.  I’m poor (compared to Matthew Stafford the Detroit Lions’ Quarterback). See if Matthew Stafford can stop throwing interceptions and instead throw some money toward missions.

8.  Missions? Jesus never said that we should “make disciples in all the world.” He did?   Well, Jesus never said to “care for the least of these.”  He did?   Jesus never said to “love your neighbor.”  He did? Umm… Jesus never said, “What does it profit a person to gain the world but lose your soul.” He did? Oops. Jesus never said, “Cut that guy in Michigan some slack he just doesn’t want to give any money.”  You’re right, Jesus never said that last one!

9.  If you were counting my excuses at home, you will notice that this is my final excuse and it is my ninth (not tenth) excuse of the Top Ten Excuses on Why You Should Not Give to Missions. Clearly, I can’t count.  If you can’t count, you shouldn’t give. Who knows you might give $10,000 to missions instead of the much-easier-on-the-bank-account ten bucks and boy oh boy, you don’t want to make that cheap skate, I mean, mistake!

I hope NONE OF US make any of the above excuses but ALL OF US prayerfully determine what the Lord would have us give to make a difference in the world.