N.B.A. (Not Basketball Affiliated) Bible Verses and Church Lingo (Basketball style)

With the re-starting of professional sports in America, sports talk will be back in our conversations. Here are a few examples of Bible Verses that are NOT about the NBA and some church lingo from the basketball world tossed in—at no extra “charge.” (The puns don’t get any better. Read at your own risk).

There is no truth that the following Bible verses are basketball related.

Such were the exploits of the three mighty warriors. (1 Chronicles 11:9).
Not the headline in the San Francisco Chronicle following a great game by Steph Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green.

Paul motioned with his hand and began his defense (Acts 26:1)
Paul George, Chris Paul or (for you KU and Celtic fans) Paul Pierce is not the “Paul” referenced in this verse.

Calmness can lay great offenses to rest. (Ecclesiastes 10:4).
Former NBA Commissioner David Stern did not quote this verse when instituting the NBA shot clock.

He has blocked my way so I cannot pass (Job 19:8)
This is not about the defensive skills of Dennis Rodman or Michael Jordan.

Those were just plain dumb…
Sadly, the follow offering of Church Lingo (Basketball style) is not much better:

3-Pointer: The traditional sermon

Free throw: The no-cost blankets provided by the woman’s auxiliary to the local nursing home.

Dunk: What happens to the bread during communion by intinction

Riding the bench: When anticipating the band’s long praise and worship set, the worshipper chooses to sing sitting down

Fast Break: The quick exit from church when the sermon is too long and the local diner has a Fried Chicken special.

Redshirt: What the preacher wears on Pentecost

Power Forward: The opening comments of the sermon on Pentecost

Hack-a-Shaq: Deconstruction of the parsonage

Rebound: A preacher’s successful transition following a bad joke

Double dribble: When two babies spit up during Baby Dedication Day

Layup: The non-minister who’s preaching when the pastor is out sick

Sixth man: Following five unsuccessful and unqualified male pastoral candidates, instead of interviewing a qualified female candidate, the church board wants to interview this guy.

Pick and Roll: What a hungry worship-leading guitarist has with him when the service begins.

One-and-Done: The results of a bad youth pastor’s sermon in “big church.” (Not about Central’s youth pastors–they are awesome preachers, if you didn’t know).

Swish: The noise made when the reader quickly hits delete after realizing that these church and basketball lingo terms were just plain silly and it’s time to….

Enjoy your day.
Don’t worry about Covid-19.
Turn off your news channel.
Take a break from Social Media.
Love others.
Love Jesus.
Have Fun.
Smile.

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