How to Divide the Church During a Pandemic: A Texting Conversation (with apologies to Screwtape, Wormwood and CS Lewis)

In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” 2 Corinthians 2:11

A conversation between two demons, Dreadsock and Sliverbug

Sliverbug: Any great ideas on how to get church folks running for the exits?
Dreadsock: How about a global pandemic?
Sliverbug: Been there. Done that. We thought the plagues of the 2nd century would wipe out the early church, but those idiots actually grew. One of the worst decisions, we’ve ever had.
Dreadsock: The world is different now.
Sliverbug: During the plagues in the Middle Ages, the church kept building cathedrals. What we thought would decimate the church to a point of hopelessness, seeing the cathedral construction sites actually gave people hope that “this too shall pass.” Ugh I hate that phrase!
Dreadsock: The world is different now.
Sliverbug: The Spanish flu on the heels of one of our great triumphs (World War I) was intended to destroy the remaining morale and the church. It didn’t.
Dreadsock: I’m telling you, the world is different now.
Sliverbug: IDK
Dreadsock: How about this? We pick a large city that no one has heard of so the pandemic can get a great start and disseminate quickly.
Sliverbug: Where would that be?
Dreadsock: Wuhan, China. It has 11 million people, but who can point out where Wuhan is on a map? No one I know.
Sliverbug: Go on…
Dreadsock: It will spread like wildfire. With the way people travel these days (which wasn’t the case with the Spanish Flu), the virus will spread faster than some of the rumors and gossip we’ve started about church leaders.
Sliverbug: Hmmmmm…
Dreadsock: Here’s one the best features– people (even followers of the Enemy) will blame Him for being mad at the world and sending a curse for this or that— He’ll take the heat, not us! lol
Sliverbug: I like it. One of our best ideas ever was to get insurance companies to call disasters “An Act of God.”
Dreadsock: Lol.
Sliverbug: Let’s shoot the idea down stairs to get approval.

Three Months Later…

Sliverbug: Your stupid idea isn’t working
Dreadsock: What are you talking about? People are infected. Lots are dying. Fear is  rampant. Churches have closed down all over the world.
Sliverbug: Those closed churches have gone on-line. More people are hearing the blah, blah, blah of the Enemy than before the pandemic.
Dreadsock: What should we do?
Sliverbug: We gotta divide the Enemy’s minions to conqueror them.
Dreadsock: I loved the way we divided the church over styles of music. Nothing got people riled up more than hymns vs. choruses!
Sliverbug: lol.
Dreadsock: One of our greatest success stories!
Sliverbug: If we can split churches over music, we ought to be able to come up with a plan.
Dreadsock: Any ideas?
Sliverbug: Let’s go back to an oldie but goodie– fear! Fear has been one of our great weapons down through the centuries, right?
Dreadsock: Play on their fears?
Sliverbug: Exactly.
Dreadsock: Take something helpful like music was 15 years ago, and turn it into a major point of contention.
Sliverbug: What do you suggest?
Dreadsock: Face masks.
Sliversock: Face masks?
Dreadsock: Sure. People are fearful. Some insist on them. Others hate them. Our conspiracy theory department is doing a great job sowing confusion regarding them! Some folks even have preexisting conditions that legitimately make wearing masks difficult if not impossible. Everybody has an opinion on face masks.
Sliversock: Facemasks? Hmmm… It just might work.
Dreadsock: lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s