1. Thou shalt wash thine hands.
2. Thou shalt not toucheth thine mouth nor rubbeth thine eyes. Even if they itcheth greatly.
3. Thou shalt not call thine doctor after every sneeze you hear, but thou shalt say, “God bless you.”
4. Thou shalt not hoard toilet paper, paper towels or hand sanitizer.
5. Remember the Sabbath day and keep your computer logged onto thine fine pastor’s message at 9:30AM.
6. Thou shalt not leave thine home if thou art sick. Neither shalt thou congregate in large groups, for ifth thou does, thou shalt surely die.
7. Thou shalt not kill thy children even if they left thine milk out on the kitchen counter all night and hath turned their bedroom into such a state of dishevelment that FEMA has declared it a national disaster.
8. Thou shalt not steal thy children’s yet-to-be-given Easter basket candy.
9. Thou shalt not lie about what happened to the last cookie from thine cookie jar.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s supply of toilet paper. Neither shalt thou covet thy neighbor’s paper towels nor thy single neighbor’s quiet house.