Dear Reader of the Prince Christmas Letter: For the last 28 years, each Christmas season I have managed to brag, boast, crow and swagger about the vacations we’ve taken, the sites we’ve seen and our boys’ accomplishments from the previous 12 months. Well, I ‘m done with all of that, instead I offer you….
Our Overly Honest Christmas Letter
Ben and Madison. Graduated from Olivet Nazarene University in May; got real jobs this summer, tied the knot in November, but aren’t coming home in December. They made some lame excuse about wanting to go on a honeymoon to a tropical island instead of spending Christmas break visiting their loving parents in not-quite-so-tropical paradise of Flint, Michigan. We offered to go with them on their Dominica Republic honeymoon, but they said “no” to that suggestion too. We may have lead in our water, but that poor decision, virtually guarantees coal in their Christmas stockings and is seriously bringing into jeopardy any inheritance they may reap in the future.
Alex and Blaire. Of course, we aren’t sure we want Alex and Blaire to squander our life savings after we pass through the pearly gates either. Blaire tells us, she gets her “baby fix” working as a nurse in the Mother/Baby unit at Kansas University Medical Center. Alex says he travels too much for work. Translation: They have a dog but there will be no babies anytime soon. Both Alex and Ben work for the Cerner Corporation and travel all over the country but not once have their jobs brought them to the state shaped like a mitten. Karla may be calling Cliff Illig (the Cerner CEO) soon to discuss this matter. Still we are glad that both boys and their wives have jobs and most importantly aren’t living in our basement.
Rob and Karla. The personal growth that Rob experienced this year, unfortunately has been mostly in his waist size and the excessive hair growth in his ears, eyebrows and nostrils. Speaking of unwelcomed occurrences, Rob still has headaches most of which can be attributed to the fact that the sporting teams he supports continue to disappoint him. While to date no one at Central Church has tossed rotten tomatoes in his general direction during a sermon, he has been considering taking dodgeball lessons just in case. Moreover, he is a bit worried that as he gets closer to his life insurance expiration date, Karla may recognize that he is worth more dead than alive and begin to plot Rob’s expiration date. Speaking of Karla, she continues to work as an assistant at the church for a couple of days a week. Read: Rob get bossed around at home and work. Karla has been observed secretly spying the senior citizen’s portion of the menu at Bob Evans. Proving that her frugality is stronger than any vanity she may have about getting a year older. Much of her time is consumed with her parent’s care. Like the US Men’s Soccer team, Karla’s folks are still kicking but won’t be attending any World Cup matches in 2018.
Totally Honest Conclusion: We’ve had a pretty good 2017 (a few “downs” but mostly “Ups”) and we are looking forward to a great 2018. We hope you are too!
Wishing you a Merry Christmas as you celebrate the birth of our Lord!
Rob and Karla
I appreciate your letter Pastor I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year for you and your lovely wife. I just like to take this time to tell you I have a new email address coming out as of the first of the year please let the office know also it is. firstname.lastname@example.org Thank you and God bless you this next year, my prayers is for you Pastor and all you do and I pray that they can get a control over your headaches and they can only get less. Again God bless you. Sandy & Bob Monroe