For Nazarene Nerds Only

Since the Nazarene General Assembly is gathering in Indianapolis this week, and several of my friends may be bored to tears sitting in seminars and endless meetings, I have put together this little story to entertain and test one’s Nazarene trivia knowledge.  See if you can locate all 39 General Superintendants (plus the guy who was elected twice but never served) in the story below (Hint: Gerald and Talmadge have the same last name and are listed only once). 


Once upon a time there was a huge castle on a windy coast in a kingdom known as Strickland. It was once home to Prince Lewis Middendorf and his trusty butler Reynolds.  Unfortunately the prince of Strickland had many debts that he incurred while searching for the beautiful and wise Lady Ellyson in the rocky crags of Coulter. Moreover, Jenkins, his royal accountant misappropriated funds from the royal treasury and his great house went into foreclosure.   The legal firm of Morrison, Owens and Hurn filed for Chapter 11 in a bankruptcy hearing and turned the prince’s castle into an indoor water park to recoup the lost money. 

 Everyday people from all over Strickland (occasionally a few people from the neighboring kingdom of Lawlor would show up) to frolic in the Middendorf Indoor Water Park.  While sad for the homeless prince, the local Strickland residents were happy because they loved to swim, the bowling alley closed and it was too bresee to fly kites (their other love).

 Once inside the park, a porter would quickly stowe a family’s bags, enabling them to spend more time at the pool where they would make friends, share laughs and bond for life. 

 A very old life guard named Gunter (a no nonsense former swimming coach from East Berlin) viewed his job as doing anything in his powers to protect and serve the swimming area both day and knight. 

“My eyes vill not vander. Pool vill be safe from young hooligans! I am toler, stronger, and don’t let this walker fool you—I vill make you obey!” he would say in his thick German accent.  

In spite of his valiant efforts, playful games of Marco Polo and a massive cannonball dunk known as “The Duarte” would turn the pool area into a water warr.  

“Ick!” yelled the girls not wanting their hair to get wet. 

Of course, it was all in good fun and no one was really upset except for Gunter’s nease, a young lady named Benner.  “How can you splash me?” she cried to the two ringleaders of the water wars– John, son of a miller, and William, son of Wilson (the actor who starred with Tom Hanks in a movie a few years back). John was a good chap, man of many talents, and a fancy dresser.  William’s mind was cunning, ham for attention like his dad, and a great debater.

      “It’s only water. It won’t hurt you. How many people are in graves because of a little water?”  They convinced her they meant no ill will.  So Benner, John and William agreed to stop arguing and make up for good.  Win a game of water wars was not worth making enemies.   

 When it was time to leave all agreed they had a good diehl of fun at the Middendorf Indoor Water Park and everyone except for the homeless prince and his trusty butler lived happily ever after.

 The End!

 Will the following please accept my apologies:

1)  The non Nazarene readers of this article—I understand that you may neither know nor care about the General Superintendants listed or not listed above; and

2)  All lovers of the English language of which I took many liberties in the writing of this article.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s